Surviving the Death of A Loved One to Covid-19
An Inspirational Story of Insights From A Survivor of A Loved One Who Died From Covid-19 in 2021
As a survivor of a loved one who died from Covid-19, I know there are millions of others like me going through this sudden and major life change while also carrying the heavy emotional pain and sorrow for their loss.
Millions of others are crying and grieving over the unexpected passing of loved ones; who some, like my dad, sadly passed away “alone” in the hospital without their family. Of course, there is a whole medical team caring for them 24/7. (Thank you doctors and nurses! I truly believe you’re doing the best you can with the resources you have.)
To help shine the light in places where many of us feel darkness and confusion, and especially now that the world is coming out of the pandemic and moving on, I’d like to share with you my Covid survivor story and the insights I’m learning along the way, in hopes of easing your journey a bit too.
As I light the way for myself, I light the way for others. — Kristin Craft
My COVID-19 Survivor Story
I guess we start at the end. Because every ending is another beginning.
On May 23, 2021, I lost my dad to a 24-day battle with Covid in the Intensive Care Unit. We were at such a high point when it happened, so it came as a total shock. Also, I’m only 37, so naturally like most of us my age, I was expecting to have my dad’s company for, like, 2 more decades, at least.
The detailed, long version of my dad’s 24-day Covid battle, ultimately leading up to his passing, can be read on this tribute page here: https://fundly.com/support-the-crafts-after-losing-father-to-covid-19
I did all I could to be there for him, but due to Covid restrictions in the hospital, I was only allowed to visit twice. Once before the dialysis treatment started, on May 18, and then at the time he went into “code blue” status and passed on.
At least I got to see him in the end and bless his heart, soul, and body — and tell him how much I love him, and that I’m so proud of him, and how I know he did the best he could in life.
Processing the Loss of a Loved One to Covid
During this process, which for me, started one long month before his passing, I’ve gained valuable insights that I feel can help another person heal from their loss, whether Covid-related or from other causes, and ease their experience.
Here are a few of them that have surfaced for me while I process this new reality, without the physical company of my dad. There are also a few tips for healthy grieving that I share — things that have helped me release the sorrow, so I can move through life a bit easier.
We don’t have to carry with us the sadness of the event of our loved one’s passing. While we probably all feel we have to be sad for their passing, out of respect and “love”, the spirit of your loved one wouldn’t want the heavy emotions of their physical, human death to weigh you down on your journey forward.
Your loved one is actually around you doing anything they can to uplift you from the other side, where it’s always sunny, to be closer to them.
Here are a few things I’ve tried: Begin to open your heart to your loved one, as you did when they were in their body, by reconnecting with fond memories. As memories of joy float in, allow the sadness in your chest to dissolve or lighten in some way that brings a smile to your heart and face.
“Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened!” — Dr. Seuss
Take time to cherish the fond memories created with your loved one. Focus on all the great times you experienced together, that way, the ever-lasting love between you is present, rather than the sadness of their passing. That person may no longer be here in the flesh, but those feelings in your heart are eternal. Cherish them like treasure in your chest (hah, punny) and they will always be there to uplift you and comfort you with love.
(My dad had a punny sense of humor like that. :) See, they always find their way into our lives.)
Those heart-felt feelings are special gifts from your loved one. Whenever you feel sad, pull one of those happy memories out of your treasure chest and you’ll smile once again. Your loved one will be drawn closer to you in spirit as you think about them, opening the opportunity to reconnect on the heart level, where it all truly matters.
Remember how good a hug felt from them? I hope you are smiling, too. :)
Allow the changes that will happen from within. A part of me died along with my dad. There’s no denying that. What I’ve learned from that is, that piece belongs with him. It’s the old me, who I was when he was living.
Since taking him to the hospital in the beginning of May, I’ve really had to step up in life to answer to the medical team in the ICU caring for my dad, learn about these medical procedures he needed, run our business, maintain the house and bills, cook for the family, pray for my dad’s life, and try to meditate the stress away. And if I could, I’d eat, something.
For nearly a whole month, that was my life. But had I not risen up to the occasion, things would be much worse. But I don’t even want to put any thoughts in that direction. I am so grateful to be where I am today.
While I loved her, the girl I was in April 2021 is gone. A new stronger version of me arose as soon as I became the voice for my dad in the hospital. At the same time, it arose when I instantly became responsible for managing the house, preparing and planning meals, paying the bills, caring for family members worried sick about my dad, and generally doing all I could to keep his life going so we could pick up right where we left off, when he returned.
I prayed every day and every night. All the while, giving consent to nurses for procedures I had to learn about in a crash course so I could make the best decision for my dad’s life. That stronger version of me arose once more, after my dad’s passing, as I processed the grief as well as I could, and began to take on our business to keep our income flowing, after nearly 2 months of downtime.
And from all of this, a stronger, wiser woman with her “partner” guiding her from the other side is born.
“You never know how strong you are until strong is the only thing you can be.”
— Unknown
Whatever this experience brings to you, stay positive, and go with it. You will likely become a better version of you too, as you step through the fears and allow the natural transformation to happen. Sounds so much easier and nicer than the real thing, but it is what we make it to be.
Choose where you focus your mind. The experience of losing a loved one to Covid either has the power to crush your psyche and crumble your world or empower you to learn, rise up from it, and live in your loved one’s honor. The choice is up to you. Both realities exist and the one you put your thoughts and feelings into will manifest.
It is what we make it to be.
For me, I faced that fork in the road. But I knew I wanted to go up. I found it makes my life better and it makes it easier to move forward when I focus on all the 37+ years of laughs and hugs we’ve exchanged, stored in my heart, rather than the 10+ weeks of sadness from his 24-day battle with Covid, and then his eventual passing.
Are those 10+ weeks heavy? Yes. Have I replayed events of his passing in my head too much? Yeah, I’m a human. But when I feel it start to bring me down, and lead me into that dark rabbit hole, I remember all the love we shared and I smile, pulling myself right out of it. The moment we think of our departed loved ones, they are with us in spirit form, hugging us and comforting our heart from within.
While everyone’s grieving process happens at different rates and times, these tools, if you will, mentioned above are applicable for any part of the process. As you try them out, you may find yourself feeling lighter or seeing life in a lighter way.
Because…
The bottom line is, accept it and move on. This is the hardest part. It takes time and attention, every day, moment by moment. If it wasn’t for the fact that these are the very words I’ve told myself as I move through the loss of my wonderful dad that I love so much, I might think that advice is a bit harsh. But in the end, this is the undeniable truth. Right?
We cannot do a thing to bring back our loved one(s). We cannot change one thing that happened to create a “better” outcome. We can only change our perception of how we perceived the experience to happen. Meaning, we can see it as the worst thing that happened to us or turn it into the best thing that takes us to our next place in life. Like a lotus flower, we can allow the best to bloom from the worst.
Besides, living in denial and disbelief of our loved ones departure isn’t going to help us live healthy lives; that, I learned is for sure. While I still have moments where it’s hard to believe my dad is gone, I know he never left my heart. Focusing there helps me remember that, while he is no longer in the body, which I must ultimately accept, he is forever in my heart in spirit.
As we learn to move on, living every day and every step in their honor, we continue to make our loved ones proud and we do our part to make this world a better place, even while we are grieving.
Taking life one day at a time and taking everyday one step at a time is the surest course to follow when it comes time to recuperate and rebuild your life after surviving the loss of a loved one to COVID-19. It’s so we can really do, ever.
I hope this lightens the path for you or someone you know today, as life is too short to live in the rain. Sending hugs to anyone who feels alone in their grieving process. I am with you.
More Family Photos and My Dad’s Life Story:
My dad and I were very close, students of life who enjoyed each other’s company and partnership. We even founded a business together, 11 years ago, that I am continuing in his honor. We had a truly unique bond, which you can read more about here in the tribute I wrote for my dad: A Tribute to My Delightful Dad, Departed Too Soon